God: “Moses, I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Moses: “Give me the good news first.”
God: “The good news is that I will smite the Egyptians with plagues because they oppress my people. I will turn the Nile to blood. I will send a plague of frogs to cover their lands. I will send a plague of locusts to destroy their crops. Gnats and flies will infest the Pharaoh’s people, and their cattle will die and rot in the fields. I shall send down hail and darkness on the land of Egypt as punishment for their oppression. The Pharaoh will finally agree to let my people go, but then he will change his mind. He will send forth his armies to once again enslave my people. I shall part the Red Sea and you shall lead my people across. When Pharaoh’s armies attempt to follow, I shall close the Sea, and they all shall die for their inequity.”
Moses: “Praise be to You, O Lord, but what is the bad news?”
God: “You have to write the environmental-impact statement!”
There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said,”If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen.”
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.”
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, your wife fell three times this week.” Yepa!
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